Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize