The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
