why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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