Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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