U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
