I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
