found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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