theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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