she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You don't make any sense
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