I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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