you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize