p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
