I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
