i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
