In the future we'll all be gay
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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