the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
