my vag is so smooth its legendary
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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