I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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