He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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