Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
