My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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