If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
