Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
