dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
