jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
