One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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