In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
