I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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