oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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