Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
