I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
