i wish my penis had a tongue
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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