the condom got lost in my hair
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
