How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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