So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
