My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
