I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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