I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
