I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
