He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
BRING THE BAGELS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
