I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
