please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
