ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
