Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
