Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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