if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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