I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
