so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
