Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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