i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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