The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
