Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it's like iHOP with fire
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
