he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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