I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
