I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
