The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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