She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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