I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
