Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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