This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
