Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
