he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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