Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize