Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
