Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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