I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize