can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize