You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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