I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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